


From Now On

by faceplantmay



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Drunk Writing, F/F, F/M, Multi, Pining, Unrequited Love, cw: drunk, god i am so mean to lucretia im sorry, she is so gay and i want her happy and i can't even fucking give her that baby luc i'll be your gf, shes my favorite and yet i cant even give her a simple ass girlfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 23:24:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13041687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faceplantmay/pseuds/faceplantmay
Summary: From pining, to jealousy, to resentment, resolution, and regret, we've got it all down at TAZ warehouse!





	From Now On

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies, sorry for how long it's been since I've posted. After Harvey, we dealt with a lot of rebuilding for our family, both literally and in terms of bonds and I got a new job and started going back to school, so life's been cuhrahzee. I've been thinking a lot on how I want to progress in both "The Bed of the Covenant" and the "Of Black Opal" series because...neither of them felt organic on the chapters I worked on afterwards. So I decided to do a drunk drabble and see how the ol' juices got flowing and the like. 
> 
> So please, enjoy.
> 
> I'm definitely very intoxicated right now so drink responsibly and always have a sober driver.

_A downward spiral just to pirouette_

Merle made everything a party, when given the opportunity. The crew of the I.P.R.E had found their lives as years passed to be less and less worthy of celebration, but Merle fucking Highchurch made damned sure there was at least just a day, _just one day_ where there was, even just a mild, good time. After fighting and dying and fighting and dying and fighting and dying but never staying dead, he would decide to blare music throughout the Starblaster's speakers and draw everyone into the central hub of the ship and, with the help of alcohol and some coercing, there would be some dancing, some merriment. Some joy. 

And this is where Lucretia found herself pressed hip to hip with Lup as they both laughed and danced with each other, the boundaries between them growing smaller and smaller every new cycle Not just between these two women, the only women on board, but between all of them. Magnus and Taako took turns swinging each other around with their arms locked in the air as they spun and dipped; Merle trying but failing to teach Barry how to two-step, Davenport laughing from behind them as he clapped the rhythm as if that would help keep Barry in time. The music didn't match the performances, but none of them cared. The beach world had been kind to them and time in the sun did their spirits good; though there had been work and research for the next cycle, preparations and the like, every day just felt a little brighter, a little more hopeful. Lup slid her hands onto Lucretia's waist and they shimmied together, Lucretia's face flushing deep red as Lup laughed. The wolf whistle from Taako made Lup cackle even louder and Lucretia couldn't help but join in. Barry side eyed the pair of women from his lessons with Merle and for a second, caught Lucretia's eye as Lup dipped her down. The air Lucretia sucked in was so thick it suffocated her. As Lup pulled Lucretia upright to lean in to her some more, to dance as if their bodies weren't already glued together, Lucretia hesitated, watching slowly as the world spun between her and Barry. Developing two left feet, Lucretia twisted out of the partnership and blamed the alcohol for her dizziness. She stumbled down the corridor to her bedroom, pushing her body against the door and for the first time in years, locked it. 

_What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing?_

Their time on Tesseralia led to discussions that lasted for hours about what could be done now that they could get intel on the Hunger. Merle, in good faith, had learned a skill that would connect him to the Hunger, but at the risk of losing a year if and when he died by the Hunger's hand ("John, he goes by John.") Two years, two cycles, of waiting out each time Merle went to parley meant a lot of time was spent either finding the Light of Creation, or putzing around after failed retrieval missions. Lucretia and Barry would hunker down together and write what Merle would convey and then try to connect the dots to the information they had been observing as a crew from the almost three and a half decades of being chased. Lup would peek her head in to Barry's room for a few suggestions, or to just come and rest on the shoulders of Lucretia who would hunch over her texts and bite back her mouth from a grin. Barry and Lup would chat and throw a few ideas around that Barry and Lucretia had considered before the elven woman would peck at the crown of Lucretia's head and pat Barry's shoulder with a firm and reverberating clap. Though it was never spoken of, the air felt different after she left. Magnus and Davenport and Taako would rotate in at different intervals, but nothing felt as electric as Lup sauntering in and offering actual scientific help. She would come in, guns a-blazed, and sit squarely between the two, looking over their charts with a vision that was fresh and new. Sometimes, she would even pull out a notebook of her own and translate the Elvish to compare notes with the two humans. Those nights were magical in an internal way. Lucretia would feel bubbles in her stomach for hours after that; a single brush of Lup's hand against her own, a small smile in her direction, a gentle peck on the head, all of these little things became bubbles and fizzy-lifted her heart into her throat. _She_ had Lup's attention, and for some reason this made her matter more. Even when she would wake up with Magnus in her bed, Lucretia felt alone and Lup...Lup removed that feeling. But, as with all good things, there must come an end, and the end came from the final note of a song that drifted from the cracked door of Barry's room. Just through the gap, Lucretia felt the bubbles fill with tar as she peeked in to see bright cheeked Barry Bluejeans smiling as the elven woman finished with a flourish on the violin. As a moment passed, Lucretia breathed in and knocked tentatively on the door, clenching tightly to her notebooks as she smiled softly and let them pack away their instruments so that the three of them could get to work.

_A composer but never composed_

The Conservatory was gorgeous. Not plainly to the eye, but to the very soul and Lucretia felt it vibrate in her bones as she took in the architecture and the studios nature of its inhabitants. While everyone started their craft to present to the Light, Lucretia took her time fiddling at the possibility of doing something musical. Maybe singing. She sang decently enough at home...On their home planet...and anything can be trained to be strong enough with patience, but she surprisingly fell short. Though the crew of the I.P.R.E had taken room among the students of the conservatory (and for Taako and Merle, among the professors) Lucretia would sneak away to the ship and practice singing songs her mother had taught her in the echo chamber that was the central hub. She skipped lessons to sing in the silence of her room, her actual room, the one stacked floor to ceiling with journals and scraps of paper, not the crisp cut dormitory in a row of ten other rooms that looked just like hers. Sometimes she would peek in on her friends and their artistic journeys; her heart warmed watching Magnus learn woodcarving, however bad he was at it, and she laughed quietly in the back of the lesson hall as Taako waxed poetic. But she hadn't found time to observe Lup or Barry. Merle was diligently dancing with a flock of people who called him a genius (to which she had to stifle her snickers) and she had only briefly run into Davenport who seemed very composed in his anxiety about his final piece to present to the Mountain. All of these days swirled into one and soon she found herself with a stolen paintbrush in hand, singing in the silence of the ship painting on sheets of canvas she had scavenged from the lower storage decks of the Starblaster and what had been thrown away from the art students. As time progressed, she found herself continuing a routine; watch Magnus, watch Merle, watch Taako, talk with Davenport, and ignore Barry and Lup before she would sneak back to the ship and paint her feelings for the day. Before long, there were paintings that were piled high in her room alongside the journals. A day before the presentation before the light, Lucretia decided to find Lup and see her performance, only to find Barry lingering over Lup humming the notes as she strung the bow across her violin. Their flushed faces and heaving chests haunted Lucretia as she found herself kneeling on the canvas below her, frustrated tears and sweat pooled into one on the surface, and her only thought then was of home. 

_I only want what I can't have_

Barry and Lup spent a lot of time together, holed up in their rooms or with Taako whispering over books and giggling behind hands in a way that felt like thorns in Lucretia's spine. Though outwardly the situation seemed similar to the one Lucretia shared with Magnus, the events that followed the Conservatory were only known to the two involved, the two who were currently looking over journals with their legs cautiously, but eagerly, intertwined. Every now and again, when the silence was long enough to be filled with a look, Lucretia would share a glance with Lup whose eyes softly smiled to mirror her mouth. It was pity. Not malice, or dislike, or disdain, but pity. Lucretia fought cycle after cycle after that, keeping her mind about her to stay alive so that when either Barry or Lup found themselves on the receiving end of a final blow, she was able to stay and wait for them. _Both_ of them. Unsure of as to why, Lucretia also found herself both wanting to be in Barry's space, as well as wanting to avoid him at all costs. It was a strange conundrum to find herself in, seeking out his presence when Lup was gone, but actively avoiding Lup when Barry was gone. Whenever Lucretia found herself waiting for the beginning of a new cycle, eager to greet Lup during the restitching, she would look at Barry, just as eager, counting down the minutes, seconds, moments, until the ship would lag and everyone would be back in the cockpit, standing there with the remnants of their home still on their skin. It was only at this time Lucretia still smelled of lavender and cinnamon without imitating the scent with magic or oils. The twins would be thrown over each other, arm over arm looking over Davenport as he sat in the driver's seat, Merle and Magnus only a few feet away with a black eye and a cut as a remainder of the bar scene almost five decades ago. It made her stomach turn. How much longer would it be until those moments stopped existing all together? Months would pass with Lucretia in her room, singing softly to herself in between recon missions, jotting notes into her book, the new guest Magnus lovingly named Fisher swimming in a tank beside her. The main room, the living room, the central hub, was too small for her to breathe in. She was better off just sticking to what she was assigned to. Journals stopped stacking and fell next to her at her feet as she tossed them off of her desk, writing until she fell asleep.

_I'm just a man on the balcony_

Barry and Lup had worked out the kinks of the lich transformation enough to where, even after they died, their beings were still intact as active members of the ship. The restitching brought back their physical forms, but their deaths brought insight none of the I.P.R.E members had even considered. Days would pass with just spectral red robes existing in the space the crew, the family, inhabited, ghastly laughing at poor jokes or talking in boney rattles about the next move to reclaim the light. But something interesting came up that caught Lucretia's attention, well before her thoughts could form around it. Lich Barry could hear the song she was singing, the song her mother taught her and that she had fed to Fisher one evening in an upset over her own inner turmoil. To the rest of the crew it was static. To her, it was a song. To Barry, it was a song. And so the wheels started to turn on a thought that had merely been a wisp of smoke that she set flame to.

_Singing "Nobody will ever remember me."_

It was the note. "Back soon," with a simple kiss mark and 'xoxo' scripted in Lup's exact hand that sent Lucretia to fully starting a fire. The planning took months. Years. They had found home on a planet similar to their home world, but it wasn't _home_ and internally, Lucretia felt bitter about this. Casks of wine began to disappear as time worked forward; the relics the crew had made from the Light of Creation had worked in letting years continue on linearly but for how long? How much longer would it be until life as they knew it, life without Lup who had been gone months, _years_ halt and it all fall apart? Lucretia couldn't even fathom this. Slowly, she began to feed Fisher little bits of her journals. Conversations at dinner started to fall apart as the crew began to fumble over a thought that had once been there but that wasn't coherent. In fact, it was nonexistent. To test this, Lucretia would say something in a whisper that she knew she had fed to the eternity jellyfish Magnus had left in her room, and see if anyone acknowledged it. No one ever seemed to hear it, or if they did, there was always a question: Can you repeat that? What did you say? What was that? Soon, she started feeding whole notebooks to Fisher, both amazed and horrified at the impact she was creating. Lup was gone and no one knew when she was coming back. Barry and Taako were taking too long on finding her, if there was anything left to find. They had defeated the Hunger. They could die officially now. Before long, she was feeding Fisher by the armfuls, pouring notebook after notebook into their tank. One day, she could hear the chaos outside of her room. There was the sound of alarm. An abnormally large blast of magic. And a knock at her door that led to Magnus walking into her room, mouth agape with both concern for her and confusion. His duck decorated to look like her fell to the ground and she turned around, sobbing as the last of her journals floated along the top of the tank. "God, Magnus, no, you weren't supposed to see this." She rushed to his side as he started to fall with his hands flying to his head "I'm so sorry Magnus. Magnus, please, this is just for a little bit, I'm going to stop this. What we've done to this world. I'm gonna find you a place where you can be happy again. It's just for a little while." She caught his body in her own embrace as they fell to their knees together. "Then you'll remember, I promise." Magnus stared up at her, his eyes glazed over, "Who are you?" Lucretia held back a sob as she cradled him in her arms. "I can do this Magnus please. Please just lie down, I don't want you to fall and hurt yourself. I love you, Magnus, I love all of you. I'm sorry. It'll all be over soon." Lucretia's voice faded in the background as the last whisper of "I promise" slipped out in a husky cry.

_Rejoice, rejoice, and fall to your knees._

Underneath the painting in her office, Lucretia poured the remainder of a cask of wine into a glass that was almost comically too large in her hand. She sat with her back towards the wall, her legs crossed under her desk as she downed the alcohol in a steady gulp, swallowing a few times before swinging her chair around to look at her six friends with their smiles looking down on her. Tears welled in her eyes as a knock at the door echoed through the chamber. The thick fist of Magnus Burnsides, human fighter, rang a twinge in the metal that reverberated around the room, followed by the husky and firm voice of Taako the Wizard cursing at him for being so brash. A softer knock came afterwards, a kind voice that could only be that of Merle Highchurch following the sound. "Madame Director. We're here with the next relic." 

Carefully wiping her eyes, Lucretia turned back around in her chair, the painting behind her reflecting a very stoic madame as Davenport, the awkward gnome aide, opened the door for the Tres Horny Boys to enter into her office. Steeping her fingers, Lucretia blinked back tears as the three approached, worse for wear, arms behind their backs as they prepared to present the Grand Relic. 

_Lunatic for a God or a God for a Lunatic?_

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like, you can donate to my [ko-fi](http://ko-fi.com/faceplantmay) because even though I'm working, I'm still in the dirty dozen time period (the first three months of childcare are the easiest months to get sick and I mean _horribly_ sick. So. Dirty dozen as my old boss lovingly called them) or you can find me at faceplantmay.tumblr.com or on twitter @faceplantmay.
> 
> Don't forget to contact your representatives! And as always, make sure you drink a lot of water and get at least five hours of sleep if possible. I love you. Smooches.
> 
> -May


End file.
